What’s in a name?—a whole lot, according to Judaism!
As I’m sure many can relate, I’ve been reading the Bible my whole life and somehow managed to miss all the good stuff for most of these years. In fairness, I wasn’t exactly immersed in a world of Torah learning but I did grow up going to church and would often do a bit of extra “bible study” on my own. Of the thousands of things I’d managed to miss was why on earth G-d went about changing people’s names. Abram to Abraham. Sarai to Sarah. Jacob to Israel. I shrugged this off and threw it in the back of my mind until I recently reconsidered my own name as one does when converting to Judaism.
Though I chose Judaism nearly 14 years ago, I’ve been waiting to convert for quite some time, partly in search of the right community and partly in my vehement conviction that I should learn Hebrew before accepting such a great responsibility. While the eye-raising number of years is a story of its own, suffice it to say that I’ve finally found the right moment in life to roll up my sleeves and get to work. Though I’m not exactly starting from scratch, having started at 19, returning to the Torah and Jewish ideology at 32 has been a strikingly different experience. In many ways, I find myself most relating to Baal Teshuva’s, feeling guilty for letting all these years go by despite my knowing what a beautiful heritage I had on my hands. And while I’m still struggling with labels, moving along the scale from “Conservative” to “Conservadox” and now somewhere in the realm of “Neo-Hassidic” and “Modern Orthodox”, what I have learned about my own beliefs is that I’m not a “pick and choose” kind of Jew.
Meorah (מאורה) means “luminary” or “source of light” (which speaks to my appreciation that we are all a “Divine spark”), Bethia (“בתיה”) means “daughter of G-d” (as I feel a deep connection to the idea of Hashem as my Creator), and Ha-Me’ir is a hyphenated combination of my Korean last name “Ha” (“하”, or “ה” in Hebrew) (which I’m keeping for my father who had no sons so I can pass it along to my own someday) and Me’ir (“מאיר”) which means “one who shines.”
Learning Torah at this age, I’m fascinated by how even the most fantastical stories, when deeply researched and studied can be backed by scientific knowledge and certain immutable truths. So when I discovered the Hitabroot network, I couldn’t be more delighted to also discover Rabbi Zamir Cohen, an Israeli lecturer who brilliantly connects our modern world to the Torah, speaking well beyond mere notions of a “Jewish tradition.” Of the many exciting topics he covers, Rabbi Cohen often lectures on the importance of names and how personalities and traits are tied specifically to the letters contained therein (reassuring my belief in the holy genealogy of Hebrew language). I highly recommend you watch this lecture (perhaps it’s not for everyone, but not even 5 minutes in I find his teachings absolutely captivating!).
Of course, I wouldn’t be very Jewish if I just took someone’s words (even a Rabbi’s!) at face value. So I went down the rabbit hole and researched these ideas alongside other traditions to cross-reference. I landed at a particular (non-Jewish) source called the Kabalarian Philosophy which goes into great detail about your personality based on your name and date of birth, seemingly founded on numerology and astrology (which I previously snubbed as totally unscientific until I learned further). While the aesthetic of the site may throw you off (and indeed, some less than flattering info I also found online about its founder getting into criminal issues), if you can get past the veneer, you’ll find the basis of their work quite in line with Rabbi Cohen’s as a whole. The free name report I ran was freakishly spot on (you can run your own report here or even try anyone you know to see if it checks out!), and eager to find my perfect Jewish name, I went ahead and ordered the balanced name recommendations they offer for a fee. Yes, I was very hesitant, again mostly by the look of the site and the fact that this whole thing felt like a big up-sell to get you a “balanced name” (whatever that means!), but desperate for some guidance and too stunned at the utterly spot-on analyses of the names I’ve used in my life, I finally got my recommendations.
With a bit of guidance to stick with Hebrew-sounding names, I received a long list of various options and started picking out the few which were authentically Hebrew and actually meaningful. I also had a phone consult to narrow down the middle name suggestion and it was pretty quickly that I chose my new combined name of Meorah Bethia Ha-Me’ir. Yes, it’s a mouthful. And yes, from what my Hebrew-speaking friends tell me, it actually sounds quite peculiar (and not in the cool, unique kind of way!). That said, those dear to me gave me encouragement to do what feels right, assuring they would support whatever I decided, and so I gave it some time. I did more research to check out the gematria of the Hebrew spelling and to cross-reference the letters as they’re presented in the Zohar. (The gematria-based analysis is a fascinating discussion on its own which I will spare in this writing!) And of course, I prayed to Hashem to help guide this ever important decision.
So there it is. Meorah (מאורה) means “luminary” or “source of light” (which speaks to my appreciation that we are all a “Divine spark”), Bethia (“בתיה”) means “daughter of G-d” (as I feel a deep connection to the idea of Hashem as my Creator), and Ha-Me’ir is a hyphenated combination of my Korean last name “Ha” (“하”, or “ה” in Hebrew) (which I’m keeping for my father who had no sons so I can pass it along to my own someday) and Me’ir (“מאיר”) which means “one who shines.” I will spare the fascinating details of the gematria but the meanings behind these names themselves, after sitting on this most precious decision, feels through and through like the real me.
While I never felt a connection to my English name “Grace,” I have always loved and thought of my real inner self as “Soohye” (“수헤”), my Korean name, which I will continue to use and appreciate with my family and more intimate friends. Jewish mysticism teaches that parents, when naming a child, are given a Divine spark of inspiration, and indeed as my beloved mother chose this name, it has always felt quite right.
All of this may be a long-winded way to tell the world who I am, but as I wade deeper into Judaism, I am cautious to remember and honor that I am proudly Korean and always will be. As I explained to my mother, my nefesh is American, my ruach is Korean and my neshama is Jewish! So onward I march, in no way escaping a past or forgetting “Grace Soohye Ha,” or “Grace Soohye Moshfegh,” whom I’ve carried along thus far. That said, I couldn’t be happier to be the bright light that I truly am and know deeply that Hashem has guided me to my new name.
Baruch Hashem,
Meorah Ha-Me’ir ✌️
( f/k/a Grace Soohye Moshfegh )
